Wednesday, June 09, 2004
Hints on how to get your woman in the mood
I read something on the Apple site today about how to get your woman into the mood. This interested me, not that I have a woman, nor have I ever known any woman that spent any large proportion of her time "in the mood."
This gem was the FIRST bit of advice offered:
"Sex Inspiring Incident #1: You've had a serious fight.
Fighting and sex are already so similar -- the pounding heart, rushing blood, heated emotions -- is it any wonder that one should lead to the other? When you reach that point in the argument where you've said everything you want to say (or there's nothing left breakable to throw at each other), there's no finer ending than for you to kiss her passionately and redirect all that fiery passion."
I don't think I can write much here as that is pretty simple and self explanatory: Any dude that does that is going to be KILLED until he is DEAD. At least any of the girls I went out with would have KILLED me until I was DEAD if I had dared such stupidity.
#3: She's a little jealous:
That's going to work, she'll be BANG up for it.
#4. Watch her cycle: Ok, so you're following your woman around trying to get a hint as to when she might be ovulating. Unless she tells you this stuff, most men aren't that good at maths when they are thinking with their Pint sized Prince Albert
#5. She's stressed out... and you're going to suggest to her that it's a good time for a bit of rumpy pumpy! You're unlikely to hear the F word suggestively when she's stressed out.
I never cease to be amazed at the amount of shite that is propogated by the Dr Phils of this world. Not only is it careless, it is probably responsible for more harm than good.
If you have ever seen "In the company of Men", you will understand my parting thoughts. What if this page was put together by a woman bent on revenge on ALL MANKIND. One bloke gave her the short shift, and she's going to make it more difficult for all men to have a conjugal visit. Not only that, but it will put a hell of a lot more men back on the singles market.
The page is found at http://channels.netscape.com/ns/men/package.jsp?name=men/pm/turnheron/turnheron1
This gem was the FIRST bit of advice offered:
"Sex Inspiring Incident #1: You've had a serious fight.
Fighting and sex are already so similar -- the pounding heart, rushing blood, heated emotions -- is it any wonder that one should lead to the other? When you reach that point in the argument where you've said everything you want to say (or there's nothing left breakable to throw at each other), there's no finer ending than for you to kiss her passionately and redirect all that fiery passion."
I don't think I can write much here as that is pretty simple and self explanatory: Any dude that does that is going to be KILLED until he is DEAD. At least any of the girls I went out with would have KILLED me until I was DEAD if I had dared such stupidity.
#3: She's a little jealous:
That's going to work, she'll be BANG up for it.
#4. Watch her cycle: Ok, so you're following your woman around trying to get a hint as to when she might be ovulating. Unless she tells you this stuff, most men aren't that good at maths when they are thinking with their Pint sized Prince Albert
#5. She's stressed out... and you're going to suggest to her that it's a good time for a bit of rumpy pumpy! You're unlikely to hear the F word suggestively when she's stressed out.
I never cease to be amazed at the amount of shite that is propogated by the Dr Phils of this world. Not only is it careless, it is probably responsible for more harm than good.
If you have ever seen "In the company of Men", you will understand my parting thoughts. What if this page was put together by a woman bent on revenge on ALL MANKIND. One bloke gave her the short shift, and she's going to make it more difficult for all men to have a conjugal visit. Not only that, but it will put a hell of a lot more men back on the singles market.
The page is found at http://channels.netscape.com/ns/men/package.jsp?name=men/pm/turnheron/turnheron1
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The search for the ultimate in rumpy pumpy continues. Read this account from The Age today about another way that apparently doesn't bring success. Gives new meaning to lawyer-client privelige:
"Earlier this year, Melbourne barrister Paul Reynolds, 47, had his practising certificate suspended for six months after he asked a client for sex during a pre-hearing conference at her home.
"When the woman rejected him during a goodnight hug, Mr Reynolds asked her to "just let me feel those puppies then, they're beautiful". Mr Reynolds later offered an apology to the woman."
A woman who's obviously very protective of her pets...
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"Earlier this year, Melbourne barrister Paul Reynolds, 47, had his practising certificate suspended for six months after he asked a client for sex during a pre-hearing conference at her home.
"When the woman rejected him during a goodnight hug, Mr Reynolds asked her to "just let me feel those puppies then, they're beautiful". Mr Reynolds later offered an apology to the woman."
A woman who's obviously very protective of her pets...
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